Two Generations Talk
I know many parents say it. I have no doubt that the greatest thing in my life is my children. I was going to say my greatest achievement but now they are 23 and nearly 21 years old, the achievement is more theirs than mine.
My daughter, Sam, has been hassling me to be mentioned in a blog, especially since her brother Josh got a mention. So, I thought I would go one step further and invite her to join me in writing one. I was interested to see what might spring from different generational perspectives.
We agreed on a series of questions that we would each be prepared to answer and we separated to write our own answers. This is because we are both very independent (see below) and we thought this was the best way to see the different generational perspectives. Here are our questions and answers.
What is one way in which you are like your daughter / mother?
Sam - Both my mum and I are perfectionists. We feel a strong need to get things perfect and we pay close attention to detail. We strive for excellence in whatever we do and find ourselves constantly working to try and achieve ‘perfection.’
Suzanne – Sam and I are both very independent. It makes perfect sense to me that I am at the independent bar. I like people but don’t require lots of them around all the time to be happy. When I am working, I love uninterrupted silence and to be able to focus intently on things for periods of time. As the saying goes, in your strengths lie your weaknesses. A not so positive aspect of independence is that I hate being told what to do. The best way to get me not to do something is to tell me to do it. I also see in Sam the same negative reaction to being told what to do. I like to think that because I could relate, I didn’t react as badly to a child digging her toes in as I might have otherwise done … or at least some of the time.
What is one way you are least like your mother/daughter?
Suzanne - One quality Sam and I do not currently share is tidiness. It might be an age thing but if not, she will leave home eventually. Some examples:
I hang up my towel almost immediately after drying myself.
I take dishes out of my room the same day, in fact, I don’t really take dishes to my room except perhaps a glass of water or mug of tea.
I take any rubbish out of my car when I get out at the end of a trip.
I tidy away my dishes after I have cooked myself something and wipe down the kitchen bench for the next person.
Sam, on the other hand …
Sam - I admit when I am wrong. Mum on the other hand …
What is the best characteristic of your mother’s / daughter’s generation? And your own?
Sam - I view my mum's generation as very hardworking with a ‘get on with it’ attitude. Gen X has a very strong work ethic and drive to succeed. This is a very impressive quality for the generation because they put in the long hours to be successful in their careers and other areas in their lives.
We are one of the most accepting generations so far. We are very open-minded, inclusive and embrace everyone. Gen Z consistently challenges social norms and makes a big effort to understand and accept all individuals no matter the differences between them.
Suzanne - I admire the tolerance of Sam’s generation. Be it size, sexuality or gender, it seems to me that differences are far more accepted, indeed celebrated than my generation. I also think the worst generation for tolerance that i know, is my parents’ generation. Hopefully, tolerance continues to improve with each generation.
I think Gen X is a very self-sufficient generation. I was interested to read Gen X’s have often grown up in a “hands-off” parenting culture with mostly working parents and therefore were left to fend for themselves quite a bit. This would describe my middle and older adolescent years. I am not sure if this is the reason but I do think my generation is pretty hard working, adaptable and resourceful.
Joint note: It is interesting we wrote this completely separately but we each identified the same strengths of our different generations.
Do you experience gender bias? In what ways?
Sam – Yes, growing up my interests were mainly sports more traditionally associated with males. At school, people were disbelieving that I was genuinely interested in these sports. I would be quizzed about the starting line-up for the Raptors (NBA basketball team) when no-one would blink an eye or ask any questions of a boy who followed an NBA team. [Mum’s note: she always knew the starting line-up.]
Suzanne – Yes, I have definitely been in meetings and organisations in which the male voices in the room have been heard way ahead of the female voices in the room. As with most of the business world, I now probably see unconscious bias far more than explicit discrimination. Just the other day, I received an email about a matter in which it was necessary to find counsel to represent minor interests. It was an area in which most of the specialists are women but not one was mentioned as a possibility, rather the suggestions mirrored the age and gender of the author of the email!
I also inflict a lot of gender bias on myself. I fall all too easily into gender stereotypical roles and tasks, although I try to challenge myself and those around me not to do this. That means challenging myself not to jump to do the domestic, and other, tasks and challenging others around me to do an equal share of them. Sometimes this is a hassle for me and them, but as a wise person once told me, it is usually the unequal person (by any metric) that has to agitate for equality.
Do you consider yourself to be a feminist?
Suzanne - Yes. I believe men and women should have equal rights and equal opportunities. As this is the definition of feminism, I must be a feminist.
Sam - Yes, I do. I consider feminism to be people wanting equal rights for men and women. I often find when I talk with others about the topic of feminism the definition can be misconstrued. It often gains an unwarranted bad reputation. However, in my opinion these people haven’t thought about the topic and haven’t taken the time to investigate how women are disadvantaged compared to men.
What are the biggest challenges to equality between men and women?
Sam - I think one of the biggest challenges is educating people around the issue of equality. Some people who might not be directly affected by the issue don’t realise how much others suffer as a result. Another challenge is gender stereotypes and expectations. Gender stereotypes can be deeply rooted in society and these societal expectations about gender roles can limit women’s opportunities. They can lead to discrimination and unfair treatment all because of prior conceived perceptions.
Suzanne - Religion, unconscious bias and men who have appalling attitudes to women. I think religion has treated women appallingly and I am including Western religions in that statement. Most religions are male dominant and they keep it that way by perpetuating ideas, doctrine and practices directed at women being submissive.
I would love to open a newspaper (or news website) and not read about some crime that is essentially appalling treatment of women by men. I would love to live in a society in which a woman is able to feel as safe as a man. Men and women all need to be brought up and educated to believe that men and women are due equal respect and safety. I wonder if this is achievable but I would love it to be so.
What is the quality you most admire about your mother/daughter?
Suzanne - I am incredibly proud of Sam and love having her as my daughter. One quality I very much admire is her resilience. She has a saying when something difficult or unexpected happens - “everything happens for a reason”. I don’t think Sam actually believes that there is a particular reason behind every sorrow or disappointment. Rather, it is her way of acknowledging the setback and carrying on. I think she processes and adapts incredibly well to challenging experiences. Where I would probably wallow in despair for a time, Sam accepts the event or experience, learns from it and continues making her way in the world. It is inspiring!
Sam - It is hard to name one. However, if I had to, it would be her strength and determination. My mum is the epitome of my role model. I have seen her go through some challenging situations and she forever has the strength to carry on and handle everything with the best attitude (most of the time). She always cares for and supports my brother and I, no matter what other matters she is dealing with in her own life. Her determination to accomplish what she is capable of and motivate others to do the same is one of her most endearing qualities. I will forever be proud of all my mum’s achievements and success. I couldn’t have asked for any more of an incredible role model for my life. (Not paid to say by my mother).